suicide?!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007
7:38 PM

MORBID POEMS .

At work
With other people
At times
On the outside

I look fine
I seem fine
I feel pretty good
I have a positive attitude...

But inside, alone, I carry dark & heavy thoughts --
fleeting thoughts of suicide.
The words cannot convey,
the feelings, the pain
Somehow I ignore them --
for a while, perhaps --
a long while, all day, or many days --
figure it will go away -- ignore
It's automatically not even recognized mentally.
I go back
forcing myself
forcing day to day, week to week,
contact with people and life
My sorrow is hidden,
My anguish contained.
I push forward;
I feel like dying.
I tell no one.
No one knows how I feel..

(erm..i didnt write this poem...its found at a webbie http://suicidal.com/solemnpoetry/ )

but seriously i am fed up with my life as it is now. A monotonous life of studying.
NOt that gaining knowledge is boring, but hey i have not a single job experience!! althoug i got my first job , i soon realise it was not realistic after signing up for it.Then i worry about my performance if i were to do other jobs.hence at that period of time i did not find anymore jobs. And succumbed to the typical Singaporean-over-emphasized-cant-lose-out typical thing : STUDY STUDY STUDY!! no cert=nothing.
nothing = no place in society = remove urself from this earth?
that certainly torments me. Most people dont realise u can do what u want even if u had low qualifications. So what? the cert is just a ticket for others to give u the get go to jumpstart a career.Why wait for OTHERS to give u the go? WHY CANT U GIVE URSELF THE GO INSTEAD?WE DONT HAVE TO LOOK AT OTHERS FACES to function.WE FUNCTION OF OUR OWN ACCORD,SO LONG AS IT HURTS NO ONE. be a one man army if others dont even believe in you just cos u got no standard qualifications to gain a right in order to fit in to society. AND THATS IT. enjoy the bloody video. (LOOKS FAKE BUT REAL VISUAL)

...still seeking for death?!